An Exercise in Contradiction

On my way to the grocery store today, I was amazed at the sheer number of people out walking.   I found myself admiring these fitness fanatics and felt inspired to hit the gym later in the day.  Admiration for my fellow humans went completely out the window while I pushed my full shopping cart to my car in the store’s parking lot.

Somehow in the short distance between my house and the store, healthy-minded turned into lazy-assed.  I witnessed an all too familiar scenario – the person who spends hours trolling the parking lot looking for the closest possible spot instead of taking one of the many spots further from the store. Not everybody likes to walk. I get it.  I almost feel sorry for these people, wasting all that time and gas.  However, that doesn’t stop me from having a little fun with them.

I arrived at my car around the time this woman in the overlarge SUV turned slowly onto my aisle.  The nanosecond I popped my trunk, she lurched to a stop, turned on her blinker and looked at me expectantly. That was my signal to spend an annoyingly long time unloading my groceries, carefully placing frozen and refrigerated items one by one into my thermal carrier bag, arranging other grocery items just so.  As I closed the trunk, I glanced at the woman, who looked a bit peeved…but not peeved enough to move.  Being the good citizen that I am, I took my buggy to the cart corral about 6 spaces down from my car.  By this time, the woman was clearly seething, but still waiting with her little blinker clicking away.  The way I see it, she should have been mad – at herself.  She could have gotten several items on her grocery list in the time she wasted in the parking lot.

Later, remembering my earlier inspiration to hit the gym, I got in a pretty decent workout with both cardio and strength training.  As I headed for my car, a large SUV slowly followed me.  Was this the lazy wench from the grocery store? Surely I was only being paranoid.  Perhaps this woman was only noticing my ample backside and deciding that her own ass was not as big as she thought and she could forego the gym altogether.  That’s when I heard the unmistakable sound of a turn signal blinking on and off.  Really?  I quickly scanned the parking lot and noted plenty of empty parking spaces beyond my own.  Of all places for someone to be lazy.

I seriously considered returning to the gym or sitting in my car and talking on the phone, thereby forcing this woman to seek another parking space, but I had other errands to run.  If I took time out of my day to teach a lesson to all the stupid, lazy people I encounter, I’d never get anything done.  I watched in my rearview mirror as this lady whipped into my space and exited her car carrying a gym bag and a huge water bottle, no doubt on her way to a strenuous workout in the gym.  Good thing she didn’t wear herself out on the way in from her car.


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