Stupidity must be contagious. More and more people seemed infected by it everywhere I go. Consider these true stories of stupid people I encountered just in the last couple of weeks.
The woman in the double turn lane who showed me not one, but both, of her middle fingers when she turned into my lane. Dear lady, when you are in the outside lane of two lanes turning left at an intersection, you are expected to stay in the outside lane as you complete your turn onto the new street. Don’t slam on brakes and gesticulate wildly like I cut you off when you veer into my lane. Continuing the double bird flip while screaming at my rearview mirror only reinforces that you are an idiot and the number of fingers you showed me equals your IQ.
The high school kid who grows his bangs in a thick mop hanging over his eyes. I feel your “I’m hip but too hip to care” vibe, but what are you really doing? Are you protesting unobstructed vision or paying homage to a Russian fur hat? Honestly, I don’t care. But the next time you collide with my daughter while you’re heading into school in a blind haste, she will trip you and I will laugh.
Everyone who feels “so inspired” by Michelle Obama…and her arms. Women get obsessed with how they, too, can have toned arms like Michelle. Well, let’s see. She has personal chefs who plan and prepare her meals, personal trainers who devise workout programs for her (and make sure she works out), and stylists who dress her in flattering clothing. What’s so inspirational about that? If you need a role model to motivate you to take better care of yourself, be inspired by real people who don’t have handlers mapping out their every move.
The checkout lady at Costco who comments on my purchases. Why do you ask me if I think sugar-free Red Bull is any good? No, I just came to this bulk warehouse to buy a case of it because I think the cans are pretty. Use your noggin.
The young man behind the counter at Taco Bell. When I order tacos with minimal lettuce, don’t tell me you’re sorry, but you only have iceberg lettuce. And don’t look at me like I’m the idiot when I hand you a $10, a $1 and two pennies to pay for the $6.02 food total. Just punch the little buttons on the register and it will figure change for you. It’s smarter than you anyway.